A New Season, A Prouder You
At the beginning of a new season, some people see it as a chance to better themselves and reveal their true selves. One of the most effective ways to accomplish this is to become more independent or to instill more independence in specific areas of your life. It may come from the fact that you’ve become dependent on others in certain aspects of your life, which inspires you to take action. A woman’s ability to feel comfortable in her own skin is one of the greatest gifts she can receive. It is an integral part of the Mai Soli Foundation. It is our mission to help our girls become more authentic and be their own unique selves.
No matter where you are in life right now, it doesn’t matter; what matters is that you decided that this is the right move for you at this moment. As part of today’s discussion, we will cover a number of different ways to claim independence.
Discover Yourself
Knowing yourself is the first step toward becoming independent. Discover who you are. Taking time to think about who you are can be accomplished through journaling, meditation, or even just spending a little time thinking about yourself. In the Girls Empowerment Program, we teach our students the art of meditation, which helps them center themselves in the midst of all the responsibilities they have as family caregivers.
In order to make the most informed decisions, you will have to learn what works and what does not. Be honest about your shortcomings. There’s nothing to worry about. They exist in all of us.
A beautiful part of becoming an independent woman is discovering more about yourself every day. These answers to these questions are crucial to becoming independent. If you do not know yourself, how will you know what you want, need or desire?
A Sense of Self-Worth
As humans, our feelings ebb & flow. There will be days where you do not love or respect yourself, but that is okay. You will be more likely to make the right decision if you get to know yourself and your desires first. Rather than putting pressure on yourself to love and respect yourself all the time, put more emphasis on comfort. Be comfortable with yourself first. Accept yourself first.
The empowerment of our students is an integral part of our curriculum. As part of our mentorship program, we help shy students break through their shells and come out of their shells through dedicated one-to-one time. During these moments, our mentors draw from the curriculum to help these students develop a sense of self-worth. If you have low self-work, take the time to work on it. It is not a race to discover yourself, so take your time.
Through no fault of our own, women of color inherit generational trauma. Due to our inherited trauma, we might feel shame for being “late bloomers” in any area of life since we are finally confronting our childhood trauma through adulthood. Can you imagine how amazing it would be if we were able to decondition from a young age? With our mentorships, we aim to accomplish that. It is possible for these young students to decondition from trauma and shame at an early age, without feeling stifled. If this resonates with you and you feel you cannot forgive yourself for something, dig deeper and inquire why. What is the “shame” you carry? Is it yours, or is it someone else’s?
If your wish is to become independent, you must gain more self-confidence and self-love. It is naturally possible to do this through improving your self-esteem and self-compassion; however, you are not alone. Rather, lean on your sisters for support. A supportive circle of friends is one of the greatest catalysts to a fulfilling life, so if you have not already developed one, do some research in your neighborhood and find safe spaces (book clubs are fantastic places to start).
You Only Need Permission From Yourself
When talking about a new endeavor (e.g. new job, new hobby, new place to live etc.) with another person, do you find yourself speaking at length, becoming flustered, and trying to justify your decision? Rather than telling the person what you are going to do, you are indirectly asking for their consent. If you were simply informing them, you would feel more comfortable in sharing your story without having to justify it so strongly.
For true independence, you must stop asking for permission and learn to accept whatever consequences you may suffer from your decisions & actions. The reality is liberating, despite what it sounds like. Your choices may not be accepted by everyone. That is okay. Make decisions that are right for you, not everyone else.
Ethnic families may put pressure on children to make decisions that fit the family’s wishes. Especially the daughters. Many parents project out of protection, with the intention of protecting their daughter from harm. So, there is an urge to stay with what is tried and tested, instead of venturing into the unknown. It is important to note that the world they grew up in is different from the world we live in today. They are making judgements based on their upbringing decades ago, rather than what we are experiencing today. We teach our mentees to be brave and do what no one has done before. Your family will not go through your trials and tribulations, but you will.
Your own decisions will not cause the world to end.
More Assured, Less Afraid
Independent means standing up for yourself, so find your voice and take action. There is nothing wrong with being assertive & assured, nor does it mean you will never be helpful and giving to others. It is more than just not being a doormat to others.
In a traditional family structure, women almost always serve as caregivers and sacrifice their lives for the family’s needs. We are subconsciously conditioned to gender roles from a young age, so do not blame yourself if you find yourself playing the caregiver role and serving as a martyr for others. There is a good chance that you are doing it unconsciously.
You must break the cycle.
If you find yourself in a codependent dynamic where you are constantly sacrificing your time & wellbeing for another person, but the goodwill is not reciprocated. Take a step back.
No is a full sentence.
The question is, why do you say yes every time? You can help if you want to. In situations where they treat you unkindly or cause hardship, assuredly say “no”.
The ability to stand up for yourself and say no is essential for a healthy lifestyle.
Embrace Solitude
Alone is not lonely. There is no need to spend all your time alone when you are independent. The problem is that many people cannot stand being alone for long because they are dependent upon others.
The importance of alone time for self-reflection cannot be overstated. Decompressing from a busy day can be accomplished by spending time alone with nothing but yourself. You can gain a better understanding of yourself when you are alone, and you will be able to recognize the needs and wants you have. Self-reflection is impossible when you are constantly surrounded by people. People are afraid of that.
You may find that after becoming comfortable with alone time — you crave it. You can enjoy solitude doing whatever you like. As you learn to be independent, it means becoming more comfortable in your own skin and enjoying being by yourself. Therefore, you do not need to justify your needs, hobbies or tastes or others. You simply enjoy it for yourself.
As a final reminder, this is not an overnight fix. It takes time to decondition from unhealthy attitudes and commit to becoming your most authentic self. Let us take one step towards becoming what we all want to be this week — just one. In the following week, make one decision and continue in this manner.
In no time at all, you will look on your journey and see what you have accomplished.
The new season is here, and so is a new you.
